This past Monday was President's Day. It was supposed to be a much-needed extension to what had been a busy weekend. Content and Professional Teaching tests took up 75% of my Saturday, and Sunday was Valentine's Day. Needless to say, I accomplished little on either of those two days. Nevertheless, with Monday off, I was feeling confident that I would get ahead in my lesson plans and go into the shortened week with a nice cushion. I could not have been more incorrect.
Monday was quite possibly the worst day I've had as a student teacher. I was unable to focus on my lesson plans. Every single one of them, I felt, needed to be a home run. I needed to catch the attention of the students each day, every period. I needed to show them how interesting and applicable and fun math is. I needed to leave them without anything about which to criticize me. I wanted to do all of those things, and I panicked.
I felt the urge to break down at so many different points that day. I was scheduled to pick up my fifth and final class during the week to come, and the added burden of a geometry class broke my spirit. How was I ever supposed to write three different lesson plans per day for the next four weeks? How was I supposed to do any of this when I could neither think of awesome hooks and fun activities nor find any suitable ones on the Internet? I finished the day having accomplished little and headed to bed that night feeling broken. I prayed for help because I knew I needed it.
That day was so dark, but I found hope in the encouragement of friends and family. My fellow student teachers knew what I was going through, and my family encouraged me to keep going. One of my cousins, a former high school math teacher, offered me good advice. Among other things, she told me 1) to try to make one lesson a week memorable, 2) you don't have to grade everything, and 3) take a break for yourself every once in a while. I had been (and to some extent still am) making myself crazy trying to be a hero. Every teacher should strive to be the best they can be and to reach their students in new and exciting ways, but I don't think anyone can survive teaching for long if they spend all their time trying to make each lesson fun. Some math is probably better taught traditionally. Some homework should just be done for practice. Some time should be set aside to rest.
I still feel somewhat unprepared for this week. I had a weekend retreat with my campus ministry for most of the weekend, and now I'm needing to focus all of my attention on writing some lesson plans for the upcoming week. I'm a little stressed out, but I know everything will turn out okay. The world won't end if the students aren't thrilled with learning how to multiply polynomials. I'll try my best to make class enjoyable, but it's most important for everyone to learn the material. I don't want to burn out from teaching before I even get a job. I'd rather stay sane, for at least the time being.
2 comments:
If you're drowning, keeping your head above water is all that matters. When your swimming pretty well you can start to consider other things.
Also, I believe the kids react to you as a person as much as to you as a teacher. So in that sense, less can be more.
Not sure if you can work this in but there is now a New York Times opinionator column about math. He emphasizes that most people don't get it. So maybe it's not just you.
There's just so much to consider right now. I'm trying to figure out my style of teaching, how much homework to give, what kind of discipline to issue, and of course what activities to plan.
In our methods classes, we throw around how we need to "form relationships" with our students, and that's definitely true. It's hard when you're plopped down in the middle of the year. I know some students, and I've found out some things about certain ones, but I've been lacking in being a person lately. All the administrative tasks and things to prepare at the last minute have made me more of the robot that most students think teachers are.
That column addresses the confusion I think a lot of students have built up over the years. At this point, I'm trying to teach Algebra 2 to students who sometimes still have to be reminded how to solve something like x - 2 = 4 . It's not entirely me, but there has to be a way to do better. Maybe I'll find out when I start the year out fresh.
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