The Honeymoon is Over

The title for this post might not be very appropriate since I'm not sure I ever really had a honeymoon at DHS. Maybe that first day when all the students treated me like some exotic creature about which they had to learn was it. Nevertheless, the honeymoon is most definitely over now. The students don't feel the pressure to be extra good anymore. They're not trying to impress me, if they ever were. I'm still respected, by most I think, but I have to show them that I'm a teacher, too, and that they should give me their respect. I'm finding that for the first time in my life, I'm needing to be okay with people not liking me. I've always wanted to keep everyone at least neutral toward me, but that just doesn't make sense, especially in the classroom. I'm not there to be friends with my students, even though I'm less than 4 years older than some of them. I'm there to help them educate themselves.

My first real confrontation with a student occurred this past Tuesday. As everyone else worked on a review sheet that would help them study for their Thursday test, this student decided that he would rather talk away from his desk. I jumped into "Love and Logic" mode, which is the only form of classroom management I know. To give you an idea of what L&L is about, just think about all the choices that students have taken away from them. They can't write in pen, they can't go to the bathroom without permission, they can't choose where to sit, they can't can't can't. L&L is about having students take ownership of their problems and education. The teacher acts, as I believe the teacher should act most of the time, as a guide. Students make the decisions, and when that happens, I think they learn more.

Anyway, I gave the student in question the option of going back to his desk to work or bringing his paper to where he was now and working. The key to L&L is giving choices that you are comfortable giving. In other words, I wasn't going to offer him the choice of going back to his desk to talk. He made the choice that he didn't want to do either of those things. "Oh no!" I thought. "Now I have to offer him something else." I wasn't really prepared for him to resist my authority. (I have no idea why not!) I then thought off the cuff and gave him the option of going back to his seat to work or moving to a corner of the room and sitting there quietly. To this he responded "I'm not going in no corner. I'm not some first grader." Now, he was clearly being, in Danville's terms, "insubordinate," and I couldn't let that happen, especially with other students now looking at what was happening. I gave him this final choice, saying that I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this: he could either, once again, go back to his seat and work, or I would have to get a higher authority involved. At this point, he chose to go to the office. The whole interchange probably took place in the time of 2 or 3 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity to me. I had never had to correct a student in that way. I wasn't happy that he had chosen to go to the office, but I was happy that it had been his choice. I hadn't gone over and immediately said "Go to the office!" He chose.

My cooperating teacher went to the office and caught up with him just before he entered. She told him that she was going to have to give him a "referral" if he walked through the office door, or he could go back and work. I hadn't made any unreasonable request, she told him. He knew he had messed up, and he came back to the classroom and began working, the result I had really wanted.

It all could have ended like that, but I thought follow up was necessary. I met the same student at the door the next day and said "Yesterday didn't go so well for me. How did it go for you?" He told me that he had already been having a bad day and that's why he acted the way he did. Today would be different. I then replied that "Every day is a new day. Let's do better today." I think the whole situation worked out pretty well. I'm going to be put in more situations like that in the coming weeks, but I've handled this one, so I have more confidence facing others that arise.

It actually wasn't long before I had another student do something similar. It didn't work out quite the same way because this second student has a history of skipping class and getting into trouble. It came to the point where I needed to write him a referral, but I then told him I was going to teach him about mercy. He didn't show up the next day anyway. I don't know how the rest of our time together will play out. I hope he learns something. That's really what I want for everyone in this situation: to learn something. I've already learned quite a bit, and it's only been two weeks. If my students can learn at least that much, I know I'll have taught them well.